Hello! Welcome. I hope you're doing good.
Last night I got to sleep before midnight, I cannot remember the last time I fell asleep at a reasonable time. I must have fallen asleep around 11 and it is now 4am, I woke up about an hour ago and I was determine to get back to sleep but I was in a lot of pain and my mind wouldn't switch back off, so here I am, awake, waiting for my legs to wake up too! I guess 4 hours sleep is better than none.
This gives me some time to write about my holiday, if you follow me on my social networks or have read my pervious post, you will know that I have recently been away, I've been back over two weeks now but I've only just being able to hold some concentration long enough to write a new post. The first week back I spent trying to recover but I admittedly over did at any chance I felt any better, so I spent my second week, sleeping and unfortunately missing the lovely sunshine everyone has been excited about!
So my holiday, I mentioned before that I was pretty nervous about going away, mostly because I know how I feel on bad days and knowing I could be feeling that way miles away from the comfort of my own home was quite scary. I did however, make it through the week and I had a great time but on the first night I did admittedly have a 'this is going to be the worse week of my life' thought, very dramatic; I know!! But let me explain, we had started traveling at 02:30 on the Monday night / Tuesday morning, so I of course hadn't slept yet, I had just been in an anxious panic all day after not getting much sleep the night before. So when it came to setting off I told myself that everything would be fine, that I'd sleep on the way to the airport then on the plane and then I'd be able to get on with the day, then I could at least start the week with some rest. But I was a fool to think I could just drop off on the plane like everyone else could do, so easily. We arrived in Spain around noon on Tuesday, that afternoon I tried to have a nap but as absolutely exhausted as I was, my brain just wasn't switching off, so frustrating! I did end up getting about 20 minutes sleep before I had to force my body back off the bed and get on with the day. I honestly cannot even remember what we did on the first day but I do remember leaving the hotel room that night to try and walk out my anxiety but it didn't quite happen as smoothly as I'd of hoped, so after some, a lot... of tears and hyperventilation in the hotel corridor, I returned and I sat up in the lounge part of the room, so I wasn't disturbing my friend and I watched
Miranda on my iPad to try and distract myself while I was calm enough to finally sleep.
I think it was the knowing that I
needed to sleep that night, I knew that I wouldn't be able to do a thing the following day if I'd not of slept for the past 2 nights and I didn't want to let my friend down, "here it's our first day but you can go fend for yourself while I hang back here." When I'm at home, I know how to handle not sleeping; I try to stay sane 'till I can drop off and then I sleep for as long as I need to, even if I miss a couple of days by doing so. But that wasn't an option for me here (another reason I felt apprehensive in the first place)
Oh quick side track (bare in mind at this point I'd been up over 30 hours and I'd just come 'round from a panic attack, so as you can imagine, I was feeling rather delirious), just when I was finally becoming sleepy and my heart had returned beating at it's normal pace, I heard someone screaming "help, somebody help me, please" outside the door, so obviously my heart rate shot back up in a second, I was scared, I didn't know what was happening on the other side of the wall. I then wasted (what felt like) 5 minutes trying to unlock the door, nearly pulling the lock off in the process while I could hear someone crying on the other side and once I got the door open and practically jumped outside the hotel room almost in a frantic mess, there were about 7 other people stood at the end of the corridor and a girl laid on the floor, long story short; a drunk girl looked to have been arguing with a boy and my heart nearly dropped threw my backside for no reason.
Apart from that, not very pleasant, first night I had a good time, I was exhausted and for a few days I was in a fair amount of pain but thankfully I didn't have any too bad days throughout the whole week, every day was bearable.
I did have to stop myself from jumping in the pool though, I use to love swimming, especially underwater but I really didn't feel strong enough to swim this year, I tried to use as little energy as I could with everything I did and I'm sure going swimming would be something I would have been left regretting the following day, so I settled with sitting on the side with my feet in! :)
