Gaining and losing weight while ill.

I am feeling brave today! Today I'm gonna put out there a lot of photos I wouldn't exactly call flattering. When I look at these photos I see more than just me looking like a gain a few pounds, I can see how unhappy I was and to me, they are sad photos, I often think that I can't really remember those couples of years but when I see photos from the time, I remember how I felt the day of that photo, in some, how much I really didn't want that photo taking, or how normal I was trying to act in front of my friends when being closed doors, I was a distraught young girl feeling like I had been thrown a few steps too far in life, too soon.

Note that this post is not intended to offend anyone, it is just my personal experience with gaining weight.

Please prepare for a long post, grab your cup of tea, make sure you're sitting down and be ready for a photo-heavy post, a lot of my face; not all the most flattering photographs!

2009

In the summer of 2009 life was all good, I was 12 years old in this photo >>, I was happily enjoying my holiday in Tunisia. Now I cannot remember to be exact but I think the winter after this was when I injured my back, I had an unlucky slip at school on a snowy day. It was one of those days where you wake up, look out of the window hoping that it had snowed enough over night that the radio would announce your school was closed, you know? The cold, snowy, wet sludgy days where all you want to do is stay in bed! Yes, one of those days, I was walking to my first lesson, I of course decided to avoid the cold and walk through the cafeteria to get to the other side of school, walking on lose flags covered in ice didn't sound ideal, though I didn't think about all the wet sludge that would have been trailed inside. So I of course, went to step down the steps on my way into the cafeteria and my foot slipped and I fell straight onto my back, my back banging straight down on to the metal edges of the steps, you know they put those metal bits on the steps to prevent accidents but what about when they are wet? They create a sharp, hard edge for your back to land perfectly on.

To help your imagination!
Though I don't remember the stairs I fell down looking that rounded at the edge.

BLUE SUNDAY! BAKING FOR ME AWARENESS

Today's the day, the day to bake! It's currently Sunday the 11th, it's almost 2pm and I am kind of dressed but I'm not looking very glam, I nipped out with my sister and I wasn't quite ready for the comfy pyjamas to tight clothes change, so I met half way and threw on some joggers and a creased t shirt.

How I spent 11am-2pm

My delightful clothing choice.
(Could be considered making effort for me)

It is now 3PM, I was hoping to have baked cake, drank several cups of tea and photographed it all by now! But no flour as yet been poured and the eggs are still waiting to be cracked, I have had to push back my baking time as the dinner has been taking over the oven all afternoon! At this point I've made myself look a bit more presentable and got out of my comfy clothes.

Right time to start a blog.

So as ME awareness week is approaching... 1 day to go, I have been reading more and more blogposts from people supporting the occasion. For a long time I've avoided talking about being ill, not that people don't know, they do, you can't really hide that fact you spend most of your days in bed. But when I am out of the house, I don't talk to friends about how ill I've been recently, how this is the first time I've seen sunlight this week, maybe I avoid talking about it and tell everyone 'I'm doing fine' because it helps me feel that bit more normal, or maybe its because I already think about it everyday when I'm stuck in the house, so when I do have the opportunity to think about something else for a couple of hours, I take it! I'm sure theres no harm in leaving the 'this is my life now' daunting thoughts at home, theres no doubt that they'll be ready and waiting to jump right back in my head once I walk back into the house. Though part of me does wants to talk to my friends, let them know how I have actually spent my week but who really cares to hear someone complain about their life when to them a life in bed, getting away with not reaching deadlines, sounds like a luxury. I always mumble away my answer to 'what you been up to?', some people say 'nothing really' just because they think they haven't done anything exciting enough to share but when I say 'nothing really' it's because I really haven't done anything, unless laying in bed is classed as something! But yes, I'm going way off the point, I wanted to talk about how I've never really cared to research ME, like I said, the opportunities I have to not think about it are great, so I wouldn't want go out of my way to read about it knowing I'll probably read something I didn't want to, the 'There is no cure for CFS' is usually the line that gets me. Makes me question why I thought googling the letters ME or CFS were a good idea in the first. Though recently I have seen the benefits in acknowledging it and acknowledging the other 'spoonies' (I've learnt thats what they/we are referred to as), out there. I am in a better place now where I am able to view this unfortunate illness in a positive way, yes I may not of found the boat with all the others spoonies on 'till now but I feel ready to board the boat and join in with this weeks events, starting with this blogpost, it's Saturday 10th May, it's 23:21 and I'm here writing this, with my blue ribbon on my top as we speak, I'm hoping to get some sleep tonight and be up tomorrow to bake and eat some cake to join in with lifeintheslowlanewithme's virtual tea party! Should I be this excited to eat cake, drink tea and post photos online while it happens?! I have to find excitement in something now don't I! :)
So heres to this awareness week for bringing something new out in me, a side that I want to share, so I am able to spread the awareness too!
Let's hope for a great week, I keep my fingers crossed for everyones energy levels, hopefully we all manage to spend at least one day on our feet this week!

Right this minute, first blogpost complete!

                                                                         
                                                                 Katie xx