The difference between LOOKING ill and FEELING ill.

A lot of the time I think that the people around me may not be convinced about the pain I say I'm feeling or maybe they think I am faking the sudden dizzy spell that burst through my head or when I say I want the music off because it's hurting my head, making me feel claustrophobic when just 5 seconds ago I was happy listening to the music loud, I feel lots of different sensations in my head throughout the day causing me to feel disorientated and dizzy but seeing me lean on a wall or sit down on the nearest chair doesn't project a picture of what I'm feeling at that moment, there's nothing I could do to show you how I feel, you just have my word.
The people close to me, they understand but a lot of people don't understand, not everyone bothers to even try to understand, a lot of people will assume how you are on how you're looking that day.
I mean have you ever been asked if you're ok when you're fine; you just didn't put any makeup on that morning?

Now here is my 'game'... Which 2 photos out of these 4 would you think I would be feeling the most ill in?

The first 2 photos are from christmas day and boxing day last year, the second two are from the beginning of december. I stayed the night in hospital in the sleep department where my sleep was observed overnight. As unwell as I look in the photos, I was fine, I was aching a bit from the bands around my chest and stomach and it it was an uncomfortable night but all in all, it was nothing new to me, I felt fine, I in fact was just sat in bed watching Home Alone for the most of the night yet you would of course, assume I would be ill in these photos seen as I have wires around me and am in hospital but in this case, it isn't always as it seems because believe it or not I felt worse on the first photos.

Christmas time.. A very busy time of the year for the most of us, lots of visiting family, lots of stuffing our faces and long exciting days that take it out of you. Considering I'm only use to going out of the house a couple of times a week at the most, two full days, getting up at a early hour in the morning and not resting 'till night then repeating it the next day meant I was dealing with some extra pain and exhaustion. Also after I had been out with my family all day for boxing day I had planned to stay at a friends house, this was going to be the first time in a long time I had stayed out at someones house as I don't often sleep during the night and when I try to sleep I frequently feel anxious and claustrophobic in the dark. 

I remember that night my friend had fallen asleep and I was really trying to relax and get to sleep but the more I tried the more anxious I felt and I of course, didn't want a panic attack in the middle of the night at a friends house, so I turned on a light and stayed up for the most of the night, I just sat in bed, wishing I was at home. So all in all, despite looking ill in the second photos,  even though I was smiling and wearing makeup in the first photos, I was in-fact feeling a lot worse around the time of those photos. 

I know being in the hospital doesn't usually mean you're ok but in this case, I'm just using these photos as an example of how looking and feeling can be a completely different thing. Often with a invisible illness like ME, when we perk ourselves up, put a smile on our faces and to others, it means we're fine and dandy. To us, we still feel the same.

I wanted to write more about the differences in looking ill and feeling ill but I am absolutely exhausted, the screen is pretty blurry and strange to me now and I am desperate for sleep, so I must leave it there, I'm not even sure it's going to make it sense, I probably missed a few points I was meaning to say but I did still want to get something posted today! So hopefully that was a good enough example of the point I was trying to get across.. I guess just don't assume you know how people feel based on their appearance, many people go out of their way to make sure they don't look as crap as they feel, for me; I do mainly to stop questions or to avoid being told that I look 'shocking' or just to cheer myself up a little, sometimes some lipstick can do wonders! 

Big hugs