About to traveling with pain and anxiety.

(I wouldn't recommend this post to any anxious flyers who will be traveling soon or anyone that is in a anxious mood, this will not be comforting. I wrote this to express my thoughts and feelings at that time.)

Oh dear...

It is 03:20, it is the 30th June, tonight at 02:00 I'll be setting off to the airport. 

Right now, I am having the worst night I've had in a while, I feel like I have been crushed underneath  something, something extremely heavy and then thrown on to my bed. I am so extremely tired, I was counting on tonight's sleep to keep me going for the next couple of days but I can't see that working out now. I am so uncomfortable, I tried leaning against a cushion so I could sit up a bit but my neck wasn't happy with that. At this moment my back is what is yelling for the most attention, I feel like I have been kicked right where my nerves are irritated, over and over again... every bone in my body feels as if it's screaming and kicking out at me in pain right now.

I cannot imagine traveling like this, my left arm from my shoulder to my elbow is in numb pain and I have a pins and needles sensation circulating down from my elbow to my wrist. I want to get up but I feel too exhausted, I feel as though the muscles in my legs are being torn when I move them. The pain is making me anxious, anxious about being sat on a plane like this, being stuck in one place, I always love the window seat, it's the only reason I say I enjoy flying, but at this rate I'm going to be begging for the aisle seat, so I won't feel as trapped, so I will be able to get up at any point if I need to stretch out, though how much can you stretch on a plane? In my head right now, I imagine stretching out, my fingertips reaching the ceiling of the plane, I imagine being too big, too tall for the plane, I can't stand up straight, I have to crouch, there's no need to reach up to the overhead compartments, I'm already eye level.

I feel sick. 

http://www.anxietysymptomsdr.com/physical-symptoms-of-anxiety

If I didn't have M.E, my explanation for most of the pain I experience, I would be very worried as to what was happening to my body.

This is obviously not a time to be feeling so bad, just before I go on holiday, I have been super excited all weekend but now I'm clutching on to any positivity I have left for the night, if I get a bit of sleep and the pain calms down a little, I'm sure I'll be fine and excited again but as of now, I wish I could put the holiday on hold a few days while I rest up and try to mend myself a little more...