SELF HELP & ADVICE FOR YOUNG PEOPLE - SELF HARM

Today I'm writing about a sensitive subject which I never thought I would be publicly writing about, but here goes! SO NERVOUS

I recently found some leaflets and NSHN printouts in the back of one of my drawers that I had been given at the hospital a couple of years ago, they were purposely pushed into the depths of my drawers as at the time I was given them, I had no plans to actually read them. I remember flipping through them pretending I was taking it in because my psychologist was watching, while she wrote up my safety plan. 

Although I don't think I'm quite prepared to talk in depth about my own experience with self injury, I do think that with my knowledge and my handy dandy leaflets that I am in a good position to offer advice to young people who are dealing with depression and/or urges to self harm. 

I know maybe if you are in a dark place and experiencing unpleasant thoughts and urges at this time you probably will feel a little reluctant to read on, maybe you're hesitant about accepting or asking for help or you maybe you think you have everything under control and are unaware that you need some form of help. But if this is this case, I'll say that there will be a moment when you're pushed too far and you are left with no other option than to tell someone and accept their help in hand and although it might seem like an impossible thing to do so, it's the right thing to do. Listen to that moment when help is screaming you in the face, don't chose to ignore it because there is only so long before things get out of hand and it is too late.

Here is how I started to get help and some tips I would have for others…

Although I do want to keep my own experience as brief as possible as I'm not comfortable in talking about the in-betweens, I do want to share with how I got to the 'getting better' stage!

The day that I took the step that turned everything around for me wasn't a day I planned, I didn't wake up one morning and think that 'today is the day I tell my parents and ask for help', I don't think I ever anticipated that I would go so far and that it turned into something I genuinely needed help for. But on this particular day I took things a bit further than I intended to and once I came home with my arm bandaged and taped, I knew that was the moment that I needed to tell my Mum what was going on. Telling my Mum has to be the most difficult thing I've ever had to do and I wish to never have to see her look as heartbroken as she did when she realised what I was trying to tell her. But from that day, things got better, I can't explain it but everything became clearer and I wasn't the lonely girl crying on her own while everyone else sleeps then wakes up the next day none the wiser, anymore. Despite the few especially tough weeks that came after, I did what I had to and attended the meetings and appointments I needed to because I knew that after all, after taking the step in telling someone, there would be a time where that part of my life would soon be something of the past.

MY ADVICE FOR YOU 

Work out your triggers; find what kind of thoughts, feelings or activities encourage you. 

Here are some things that I would suggest doing to distract yourself when you feel the urges setting in:

• Listen to music, but not something that is going to enhance the thoughts!! Look for new music that isn't familiar to you, so it won't motivate a former emotion
• Watch something on TV; I would go for comedy, something light hearted that might make you smile
• Write something down, it doesn't have to make sense, write random words, write stupid words, make yourself laugh
• Draw funny faces on the pretty girls in the magazines, think of funny names for them, destroy the pages
• Change your bedding
• Untangle necklaces or headphones
• Read a book
• Organise CD's/DVD's into alphabetical order
• Bake a cake!
• Call a helpline
• Post on a forum and reply to others comments; help someone else
• Write down a list of positive things in your life, however little
• Paint your nails, heck paint your fingers if you want too!

Physical distractions: 

• Punch something (preferably not something too hard)
• Have a pillow fight with the wall
• Shout and scream
• Draw something, draw something so hard that the paper rips, rip up paper then roll it into a ball squeeze the ball of paper, throw it against the wall then do it again
• Pluck your eyebrows
• Stamp your feet, put on some boots and stamp and jump
• Go for a walk/run
• Play with a stress ball or play dough
• Balloons; go buy a pack of balloons and when you need to, blow them up then punch them back down, stamp on them, pound them ’till they've popped!

Calming techniques;

• Watch the sky - count the birds or the stars
• Light a candle and watch it burn
• Meditation or Yoga

Distractions with other people:

• Go to a public place, just be around others
• If you have a friend who knows about your problems, talk it through with them
• Invite a friend over
• Hug someone

Comforting distractions:

• Cuddle a teddy or a pillow
• Play with a pet
• Cry
• Try to sleep
• Take a shower/bath
• Put on your pyjamas and have a hot drink

DISPLACEMENT 

Let something else, something safer, take it's place...

• Draw on yourself with a red marker
• Snap an elastic band on your arm
• Put on bandages or plasters
• Use stage makeup to create fake injuries
• Draw around your arm on a piece of paper and draw the harm onto the picture then demolish the picture
• Exfoliate your body in a hot shower
• Draw over old scars

REINFORCE - STRENGTH AND SUPPORT

Once you have noticed what sparks these feelings, I hope that you will be able to start to use some of these suggestions as a way of distracting yourself. If you know that you need to stop but are finding it difficult when it comes to the moment, try to set yourself a target; 10 minutes on the clock and promise yourself not to harm in that time, once the 10 minutes is up, do the same again until your urges have, with hope, passed.

Think about these reasons for stopping;

• You will be a stronger person for stopping and you will begin to see things in a different, more positive way.
• You will be able to wear whatever clothes you want, you will be able to look forward to your summer holiday instead of worrying about how you're going to be able to wear summer clothes.
• You will no longer feel the need to cover you body; you will be able to hug someone without worrying if your sleeve has slid up.. you will become more confident.
• Wounds will start to heal and scars will fade, so they won't affect you when you're older.
• You won't have to lie to the people you care about, anymore.
• You will feel better about yourself and proud that you have overcome a difficult thing.
• You won't be on edge or jumpy when someone enters your room.
• You will not have to explain to others or worry about their judgement.
• You will be happier!

My head was once in a dark place which to some people may seem unrealistic for a young teenager, people tell you how 'trivial your problems will seem once you're older', like that is going to help you in any way and people can tell you it will get better but I know that doesn't always make the time inbetween the bad and the good any easier.
For the narrow minded people that think depression is 'only something adults can have', I'm happy that you were fortunate enough to have never experienced it at a young age.
If someone doesn't understand how you feel, don't let them make you question yourself, you are the only one who knows how you're feeling, so don't turn your back on yourself when you're in time of need. And if like I were, you are having a hard time actually liking yourself and trusting your own mind then I will share with you what helped me and it may seem crazy but it was the only thing that made me step back and actually look at myself and realise that I could get through it if I wanted to.
I stood in front of my mirror, I looked closely and looked at my reflection quite literally as someone else who was stood in front of me and the person I saw; I didn't want to hurt her, she looked sad and alone, why was I hurting her? Making her bad situation worse, I didn't want to harm her, she didn't need that, she needed to be looked after. I had to see my reflection as someone else, as a friend; not myself or I'd not have wanted to care for myself her. And in that moment of disconnecting my reflection, I had an epiphany, a realisation that I was the only one that was standing in between myself and happiness and I was the only one able to help myself, I knew that I could get through it, I just had to start by being on my own side.

Now I'm here and I'm happy! 

And now I know that if I ever lose myself again, I'll be sure to look in the mirror.

I really hope that if you've found yourself stuck in a nasty place, you're soon able to find your way back out, don't be afraid to reach out to someone and please be a friend to yourself. 

Childline 

Support with any issue which causes distress or concern, common issues dealt with include child abuse, bullying, parental separation or divorce, pregnancy and substance misuse.

Phone: 0800 1111

Website: http://www.childline.org.uk - recommend this website for distractions too!

Samaritans

Confidential support for people experiencing feelings of distress or despair.

Phone: 08457 90 90 90 (24-hour helpline)

Website: www.samaritans.org.uk

YoungMinds

Information on child and adolescent mental health. Services for parents and professionals.

Phone: Parents' helpline 0808 802 5544 (Mon-Fri, 9.30am-4pm)

Website: www.youngminds.org.uk

And of course, I'm right here katiembrook@gmail.com

Let me know if you have any further questions for me in the comments. If you have anything personal to ask me about my 'story' or if it would help you to share your own, send me an email and I'd be more than happy to chat. - Take care!

PS. I have just set up a facebook page for my blog, just another platform for me to spread the word about my posts, so if you want to check it out: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Stillawaketoseethesunrise-Katie-Brook (it isn't complete yet but I'm working on it)

Any other social media - look in my sidebar!